Month: September 2005

Magical Experience
I had quite a magical experience on my way to work this morning. I love the drive to work in the morning as I drive through extremely beautiful Lincolnshire and Rutland countryside and today was the last time I’d do it.

There’s a hill on the journey which has a fantastic view when you come over the top in your car, it looks down over Rutland water with patchworks of fields all around and the town of Oakham in the distance. Today though, it was especially fantastic. At exactly the moment I came over the hill, Radio 1 started to play “Long and Winding Road” by the Beatles and I looked down into the dip in the landscape to see the most brilliant, clear, huge rainbow I’ve ever seen in my life to the side of Rutland water and a huge flock of white birds flying across the sky with the early morning sunlight glinting off their feathers.

It was as if someone had arranged it all for me, as a friendly farewell, I suddenly felt all goose pimply, warm and fuzzy inside. Then I hit the traffic and reality kicked back in 😛 It reminded me a little of a moment in one of the Animatrix films where a girl is in a “haunted” house where the laws of physics are breaking down and she falls to the ground as a white dove flutters upwards but suddenly gravity changes and she floats to the ground with a warm hum and watches the bird in flight in slow motion.

Goodbyes
At lunch I had “the last supper” in the usual Friday pub then went back to say my goodbyes.

I’m currently still packing my life into boxes and its 11:15pm. My computer should be all disconnected and ready to stick in the VW camper tomorrow morning but instead I’m on LiveJournal writing more drivel 🙂

I’ve had a great gap year, learnt an awful lot about life, computing and everything and hopefully it’s now the end of an era and the beginnng of an ever bigger, better one. Stuff the people who want to mess things up for us, they will fail. I’m feeling optimistic but it still hasn’t sunk in that I’m leaving home and it’s tomorrow in a few minutes!

University of Birmingham, here I come!

I’m going to do the whole LiveJournal Drivel (TM) thing now, so get comfortable.

Yesterday – now I know they’re here to stay
Yesterday was a rollercoaster of a day at work, starting with apathy, sheer glee in the middle and ending with that sick, nasty feeling in my stomach. A major cause of these emotions was things happening with money, which is something that bothers me. I have more money coming in now than I have ever had, but it’s also the first time in my life I’m going to start having more money going out than coming in – because I’m going to University. I actually have to care about money, something which I hate over all else. I also have to care about mundane things like cooking, cleaning and ironing which I generally avoid at all costs.

Feeling
I’m experiencing a lot of self doubt and a reasonable amount of stress, but apart from that it still doesn’t feel like leaving home in a couple of days is actually real. Y’know, the town I’ve lived in since I was born.

In a suprising twist I’m being treated like shit by senior people at work in the last week of my mostly great job, but only because I’m caught up in the rivals of others. The urge to speak the hard truth and leave utter devistation in my wake is irresistable but I have to try and not.

Memories
I’ve just been going through my things – the box I have under my bed with all the precious things in it, not valuable things, things with memories. This above anything else has made leaving home feel real. I think about all the people in those memories and what they’re doing now and I’m reminded of life’s habit of running away when you’re not looking. Interetingly there’s not a single photo in that box.

Collecting
I was emailed by one of the Polish girls I met whilst interrailing today and a while back was emailed by the two Lauras from Spain. This has given me a sudden urge to collect the addresses and phone numbers of every person I know or have ever known!

If you know me, please please send me your address and phone number. I will probably never use it, but it will make me feel much better knowing I have it there. email tola at hippygeek dot co dot uk.

I’ve had urges like this recently, urges to collect things, to back up hard disks, make lists of things to remember and things to do, to document everything so I don’t forget. A shrink would probably say it’s all down to repressed feelings about leaving things behind.

I wrote a poem last night, the type of drivel you write all in one go but actually means something to yourself. The poem was called “Obsession” and was a reflection on how obsessive my personality is – towards ideas, people and objects. I’m not sure whether it’s something to worry about or try to change or what.

Busy
My to do list on the computer has a very long scroll bar next to it. Very long. Added to that I have my finger in more pies than Weebl could eat in a month and a strong desire not to take any fingers out and actually do something I’m “supposed” to be doing. There’s so much going on, I just don’t want to miss anything.

Laura’s in Spain, that’s kind of weird though I think all this would be even harder if she was around 😐