Today wasn’t too great.
I woke up late and didn’t have time for my breakfast which turned out to be the reason I was feeling really crappy this morning. I only found this out when laura started feeding me cakes and I started to feel less sick! I needed a drink but my water bottle was… mouldy. Anyway I was stressed all morning about having not done a load of differentiation questions. When it came to the lesson they weren’t even taken in, we played with calculators all lesson. On top of that bouncykaz had come into school and I was feeling kind of odd around her. I’d wanted to give her a hug for a long long time and to offload all my troubles onto her – but somehow it didn’t feel right, I felt awkward and she definately didn’t have the time to wait around to listen to me whining. That and she’s on the moral high ground because of my “disgusting behaviour” and the “person I’m becoming” again. Search me. I just need someone to cry over.
I had a triple free in the afternoon and I thought as it’s christmas and I really wasn’t in the mood for working I’d help out the stage crew. That just stressed me out more. The stage crew is pathetic. It’s full of year 10 boys and girls who do nothing but argue over each others non-existent authority and use the dark spaces around the stage to fornicate with each other. Seriously, at one point there was a couple fondling each other in the sound loft, a couple in the lighting loft and a couple on control. They’ve taken to using some pretty vulgar slang on a regular basis and locking things away so nobody else can get to them. Not one of them has a grip on reality and they’re severely lacking leadership. All of them have outgrown their boots by several sizes.
Wez tries his best, but he doesn’t have the time or patience to organise them and quite frankly they’re past help. I’d really like to take on the responsibility and sort them out, but I don’t have the time either – and I don’t believe I’d get any support from the school. I blame the problems completely on them. Anything that can not be quantified in a league table somewhere isn’t taken seriously. Anything extra-curricular is actively discouraged because it takes up time that could be used reading text books. I’ve been trying to say that there should be a member of staff watching over them for years. It seems it will take a serious injury for them to realise that there are 14 year olds who don’t know what they’re doing playing with 230V electricity and climbing ladders unsupervised and big headed.
I was feeling really odd for the rest of the day and just floated around trying to keep out of peoples way.
I got home and fell asleep. When I woke up, three people wanted to know why I was ignoring them on MSN, Laura was offended that I hadn’t responded to her text message and mchicago was complaining that nobody contributes to any of the projects on iMen and he’s doing all the work himself. What he doesn’t realise is I’d love to spend all my time programming for iMen but I’m under some pretty serious pressure to get my grades up in my A-levels. Every time I spend time doing ANYTHING for iMen I’m feeling guilty about the backlog of maths work I don’t seem to be able to escape from. The other thing is I feel I never feel like there’s anything I CAN do. The programming is way over my head (all I know is it’s trying to factorise big numbers in a program distributed across computers), and anything I DO do I seem to be treading on someone’s toes and get yelled at for breaking something.
I think I’ve upset lauperr by not giving her enough attention. I knew this was going to happen. Perhaps I’m too wrapped up in myself to realise how other people are feeling.
Wonchop is leaving school. More on this later, I just mentioned it now because he’s claiming I neglect him and don’t mention him on my livejournal.
Anyone else I’ve neglected? I’m going back to bed.